Friday, 29 August 2014

20 Funny Facebook Status Updates

Funny Facebook Status Updates:

1.    When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

2.    I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

4.    I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.

5.    God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

6.    Sometimes you just need some space............To fart.

7.    I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.

8.    Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!

9.    If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

10.                       I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

11.                       I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

12.                       If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

13.            Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.

14.                       They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

15.                       Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.

16.        I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he needs more proof.

17.     That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
18.             Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
19.                       If you can't Change a Girl.....Change the Girl.
20.                       Need Love...? .......No...I would prefer vodka..!!

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